Rudolph the rednosed reindeer,
Had a very shiny nose.
And if they ever saw him,
They would let him know it blows.
So poor Rudolph was struggling
With a lot of anxiety
He never made any good friends
And barely went to any party.
Then one foggy Christmas eve,
Santa came to say,
“Rudolph, damn, your nose is so bright,
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”
But now it dawned on Rudolf,
That the other reindeers sucked –
And if he said no to Santa,
Then, well, Christmas is fucked.
How all the reindeers begged him,
All of them had families to feed.
And if dear Rudolph wanted,
He could be their friend in need.
But Rudolph still had much anger,
Which he really had to vent –
He struck a deal with Santa
That would make the bullies repent.
“This sleighing shit is weighing me down. This is no way to spend a holiday. So if I guide your sleigh tonight, fat man, I want – early retirement, the full pension package, and immediate online transfer of the next six months’ pay.”
Santa had no other option,
But to painfully agree.
He should have listened to HR
Stopped the bullying early.
So, Rudolph the rednosed reindeer,
Never went down in history.
But he gets a gift every Christmas,
At his house in Hawaii.